Is FOMO Holding You Back?

A few months ago I read an article about FOMO -- Fear of Missing Out. The author argued that one impact of social media has been that we now overextend ourselves because we're so afraid of missing an opportunity. She used examples like seeing a friend post fun photos on Facebook of a dinner out that you couldn't attend. The result of having a few experiences like that leads us to say "yes" too often, wreaking havoc on our schedules, our bodies and our minds which all need some rest. As I read the article, I kept thinking about how for most of my life, being healthy was fraught with FOMO moments. Here are a few FOMO inducing situations and how you might be able to deal with them:

1. FOMO: Social Events -- In our culture, socializing and celebrating often revolve around food and alcohol. Sometimes, we feel like the only way to stick to healthy behavior changes is to avoid social situations where we will be challenged. Rather than feel like you are missing out, can you change the way you and your social circle spend time together? Here are a few ideas: 

Invite friends and coworkers for a walk or hike.

Instead of a dinner-out with your spouse, try a new fitness class together (like, maybe Zumba? wink-wink). Couples who take on new challenges together tend to be happier. Plus, studies show that when you work out, dopamine levels in your brain increase which makes you feel more loving toward your partner. Double-Bonus!

I will be teaching Stroller Strides soon and one of the aspects of the program I like best is that it gives parents a chance to socialize with each other and to build a community while everyone is getting fit! Much better than Moms and Muffins (or Moms and Margaritas).

Maybe exercise is not part of your Healthier You Challenge. Maybe you are trying to eat healthier foods, quit drinking alcohol, or quit smoking. What if you learned something new with your friends that didn't revolve around eating, drinking, or smoking? Take up knitting, or woodworking, or photography.

 

 

Maybe you are trying to get more sleep but you stay up late with your partner, or friends, or on social media like facebook. It may not be a matter then of changing your environment or activity but of setting clear boundaries with the people in your life and explaining those boundaries to them. "Hey, _________, I really love our late night chats but I'm trying to get more sleep. Could we get together for a walk twice a week instead?" If your social network is not on board with your healthy changes, it may be time to find some new friends. That may sound harsh, and I don't mean cut people out of your life entirely, but you may benefit from finding people who already engage in the healthy behaviors you are trying to adopt. Hang out with them, learn from them, be inspired by them. Create your own social events that incorporate your new, healthier lifestyle. You won't have FOMO because you'll be too busy having fun in different ways!

 

2. FOMO: Food --  For some of us, the only way to control what we eat is to control our environments and avoid being around certain foods that we tend to over-eat. You might be like me in that once I eat things like cookies or chips, I want to keep eating them, at that moment, and for the foreseeable future. I find that I have to pretty much eliminate high-calorie, low-nutrient foods to keep my weight stable (crackers, chips, sweets, ice cream). I found out a couple of years ago that I am allergic to gluten, eggs, and all dairy. While it is challenging to avoid these foods, I find I don't miss them as much as I thought I would. I use substitutions and I remind myself how awful I feel when I eat them. It almost always works. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that food is just food and that we really can live without eating certain things. Maybe not peanut butter. But just about everything else we can live without.

What provokes FOMO for you? How can you fill that space with something that will help you with your behavior challenges? Take some time this week to think about it and plan ahead for those FOMO moments!

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Make a Fresh Start

Random funny picture someone posted on Facebook

SCHOOL STARTED!!!!! I have very mixed feelings about this. My daughter started second grade today and my son started Kindergarten. While it was difficult to see my kids take one more step away from me in the whole growing up process, I'm so excited to have more time for my business and myself. And no more preschool tuition!!! Whoo-hoo!!! I've decided to channel all of my angst about my kids into new focus and dedication to achieving my own goals. With school (and soccer season) comes a lot of routine and scheduling. My plan is to build my personal challenges into THEIR routine as much as possible.

My desired outcomes in this Healthier You Challenge have been to increase my muscle strength and flexibility, and to reduce my body fat percentage. I've been hit or miss on following through with the challenges that would get me there. I struggled all summer to get into a weight lifting routine. Other than teaching my Zumba classes, I didn't really fit in much exercise. It seemed like every time I'd get into a groove doing strength training and yoga, something would come along and blow it to smithereens. So I decided that with this fresh start, I would make my health a priority. I've committed to walking the kids to school (1 mile each way). I will work up to running the parts that I'm alone. Today I did 3 round trips. I also bought a month of unlimited classes at The Bar Method. I plan to go to classes there 3-4 times a week, starting next week. I push myself much harder when I'm taking a class so I'm very excited to fit this in! These actions, in addition to teaching my regular classes, should help me reach my desired outcomes. After this month, I will reassess and possibly find a new kind of class to try (Crossfit, here I come!). Or maybe I'll be able to keep those times for working out at home with my suspension straps. So far, this is the only action they are getting:

So my focus right now is not so much what I'm actually doing with my body, but to get myself into a routine that allows me to fit in fitness while I continue to work, to spend time with my family, to help coach my son's soccer team, to do laundry, to go to the grocery store, etc., etc. A bonus is that I have time to chat with my kids as we walk to and from school (sometimes they even let me hold their hands!). And I have a couple of friends who will also be doing The Bar Method classes so I can pretend I have a social life!

Even if back-to-school isn't a relevant time marker for you, use this opportunity to evaluate your routine. Fall is coming and with it will come changes in the length of the day, the types of fruits and vegetables available, the kinds of clothes you are wearing, your ability to workout outside. Some of those changes may be ones you welcome and are excited about; some may pose a challenge. Take some time now to shake things up or to plan ahead for the changes you'll be facing. You can give yourself a fresh start any day. You can even buy yourself a new backpack for it.

 

Giving Credit When Credit Is Due

Since it's back to school time, I have a little test for you:

1. Have you fulfilled your challenges?
   
    A. 100% perfectly the entire Challenge thus far.
   
    B. Mostly. I've had a few slip-ups or had to make some
        changes, but I'm doing pretty well.
   
    C. It's been a major struggle and I've barely made any changes.
    
    D. I gave up the first day and just eat Nutter Butters while I read the Blog
        posts.

Hopefully you answered "B". If you answered "A" you are probably either delusional or a robot. If you answered "C", re-read some of the previous posts and see if there are some tweaks you can make either in how you articulate your challenges or how you structure your life in relation to them. If you answered "D", you should probably call me to set up a one-on-one session. Soon ;)

Interestingly, whether you answered "B" or "C" may have less to do with the percentage of change you actually made and more to do with your attitude toward yourself and your behaviors. Many times when we attempt behavior change, we pay a disproportionate amount of time beating ourselves up for "messing up" and very little time congratulating ourselves when we do well. If you've kept a log of your challenges this whole time, review it objectively and ask yourself how you would react if a friend or loved one showed you the same log. Would you berate them for the times they didn't follow through perfectly? Or would you congratulate them on their efforts and achievements thus far and encourage them to do better? Maybe you'd even have a conversation with them about the struggles they've had and try to help them problem solve. If you wouldn't have a log to show someone because you haven't been keeping track of your behaviors, START NOW!

I spent a lot of time last week thinking about this and paying attention to how I talk to myself about my behaviors. It was hard to force myself to give little mental pats on the back every time I made a good choice but even in just a few days, I got more comfortable with it. One day last week I was tired and busy and hungry. I had a Costco sized jar of peanut butter that was calling my name. I really wanted to sit on the couch just me, that jar of peanut butter and the Property Brothers. But I didn't! I cut up some melon, grabbed some turkey breast, and sat down at the dining room table with the kids while they ate their lunch. I was very proud of myself. Later that evening, I was hungry again and REALLY wanted peanut butter. So I spooned some out into a bowl and poured in a bunch of blueberries. I ate the mixture while I watched So You Think You Can Dance. It was more than a single serving of peanut butter and I know I shouldn't watch t.v. while I eat, but it was a reasonable amount and still better than sitting down with the whole jar (and possibly a carton of chocolate soy ice cream). So, baby steps. I finished the day feeling fairly positive about the choices I'd made and I felt like I'd strengthened my willpower muscle.

If you have a hard time giving yourself credit when you make a good choice, here are some ideas to make it a more conscious process.

1. A chart with squares. Each time you make a good choice, put a sticker in a square or make a check mark.
2. A clicker like the kind they use at the entrance to events. Click each time you make a good choice.
3. A string you keep in your purse or pocket. Make a knot each time you make a good choice.
4. A marble jar. Each time you make a good choice, drop a marble in the jar.
5. Pennies in your pocket. Start the day with all of the pennies in one pocket and then transfer one to the other pocket each time you make a good choice.
6. Use something on your smart phone. There has to be an app for that! (If not, please create one and give me royalties!)

Don't be afraid to give yourself credit for the little things or even for partial improvement. Something is better than nothing! After doing this for a few days, you should feel proud, encouraged, hopeful and more in control. I know I do.

Do you have any suggestions for how you can give yourself credit in a conscious way? Share them here please!

Losing Focus?

This is about the time in many people's drive for change when they start to really lose focus. The novelty is wearing off and they may not be seeing big results yet. This is when it is MOST important to get excited again!

I've said before that part of creating a challenge is to articulate how changing your behavior will improve your life. In The Beck Diet Solution, Psychologist Judith Beck calls it stating "the advantages". She suggests writing the advantages of your behavior change on index cards or even using the list as your computer screensaver. You should then review the list multiple times a day to maintain your focus and enthusiasm. Reminding yourself why you are changing the behaviors should make you more likely to actually change them.

Another way to keep it fresh is to add new challenges. Now that you've tweaked your plan and gained some momentum, you should be able to pick something that's a little harder. And remember not to beat yourself up if you haven't been perfectly consistent. I've had ups and downs the last few weeks and while I try not to make excuses, I also realize that real-life sometimes gets in the way of the best laid plans. If I'm doing better than I was before I started the challenge, I choose to see it as success. Try to pick something fun for your new challenge. I'm replacing one day of weight lifting with a workout using my new suspension straps (okay, I hear some of you saying, "really, that's fun?"). I get really amped about new exercise gadgets so now that I finally have the straps mounted in my workout room, I'm eager to try them.

If you feel like you're not getting anywhere, take a hard look at what's going on in your life and what behaviors you are trying to change. Maybe the benefits don't outweigh the difficulty right now. It's okay to not be ready to change. But if it's important to you, you CAN find a way to make it work. It might take more planning, or finding an incentive that really excites you, or changing your methods. If you believe that your behavior changes will improve your life, isn't it worth making them a priority? So bust out those index cards or find some other way to remind yourself why you are engaging in this challenge. And remember, I'm always here as a sounding board and problem solver!

Diet or Exercise?

I have heard a lot of discussion lately about a recent study regarding physical activity, metabolism, and weight. Researchers studied a group of 30 hunter-gatherers in an effort to determine how their physical activity affected their metabolisms. The basic finding was that their metabolisms adjusted to their high level of activity and low calorie consumption. They did not burn significantly more calories daily than most people living in developed societies who sit at a desk all day.

What some people are taking away from this is that exercise is not an effective tool for weight loss; that only what we eat makes a difference. THIS IS NOT TRUE!!! Even the authors of the study stated that, "Physical activity has important, positive effects on health, and increased physical activity has been shown to play an important role in weight loss and weight-maintenance programs."

If you are trying to lose weight, you should not be asking the question, "should I exercise or change my eating habits?" BOTH are important for weight management. One of my favorite quotes is, "You can't compete with what you eat." You can work your butt off in Zumba with me but if you leave and drink 2 margaritas you've probably just consumed more calories than you burned in class. Does that mean that class was a waste of time? Does it mean that you can't ever have a margarita again without feeling guilty? Of course not.

When we think about the food/exercise balance, we shouldn't think about exercise as a way to compensate for what we eat. In Zumba class one day, I really pushed myself hard. About halfway through class, one of the students asked, "What did you eat this weekend that you feel so guilty about?" This question made me laugh because my intensity wasn't about "burning off" anything I'd eaten, it was about working harder as part of a challenge I had set for myself. But there have been many times in my life where that is exactly what would have been going on. The sad thing is that it was never effective. I would severely restrict my diet, feel deprived, engage in gargantuan binges, then exercise excessively to try to "make up" for what I had eaten. But that was impossible. While I was engaging in that behavior I was overweight. And my weight fluctuated all the time. And I hated my body. And I felt like a total failure. Even long, hard exercise sessions couldn't burn the number of calories I was eating in those binges. And because the focus of those workouts was guilty feelings, I stopped enjoying exercise.

I saw a demonstration of this kind of thinking on a weight loss reality show once. A participant was struggling to change his eating habits and was still engaging in behaviors like bingeing on Oreos. The trainer had him hold two Oreo cookies in his hands as he walked up and down a flight of stairs. He wore a device that measured the calories he was expending and she had him keep going until he had burned the same number of calories as the two Oreos contained. He was at it for a LONG time! He said he had learned a valuable lesson and was going to ditch the Oreos. But I don't think that's the lesson we need. We have to be aware of the calories in, calories out equation, but we can't think of activity solely as a way to burn off those Oreos. We can eat the Oreos in moderation as long as we fit them into our overall target calorie consumption. And exercise should not be punishment or compensation for what we eat. If you're eating a generally healthy diet with a calorie intake that is less than your expenditure, you should be able to eat a couple of cookies here and there and still lose weight. 

A related note we can take from the Hunter-Gatherer study is that exercise can't be a green light to eat whatever we want. Part of the metabolism equation for the study participants was their very low calorie consumption. I have a new Zumba student who mentioned that since she started exercising more, and harder, she felt hungry, "ALL the time!". That is a pretty common experience. I cautioned her to eat when she felt hungry but to try to be sure that the foods she chose were healthy and nutritious and to keep an eye on the overall amount she was eating. It is awful to work hard at exercise and feel like we are not getting the results we're looking for. So really, anyone looking to achieve or maintain a healthy weight should engage in a consistent exercise routine AND have good eating habits.

The hunter-gatherer study reinforced that our bodies seek homeostasis. If you exercise, your body will adapt. If you cut your food consumption, your body will adapt. Our bodies are amazing, complicated machines. I will explore adaptation more in future posts. For now, eat healthy foods because they are yummy and they fuel your body. Exercise because it is good for you in many, many ways (and can be a lot of fun!).

So this week's challenge is to look critically at the way you think about the food/exercise equation. Do you need to change your thinking about why you eat the food you eat? About the feelings you have after you eat? About why you exercise? If so, now's a great time to practice! Permanent behavior change requires changing our thinking. Write down those negative thoughts and feelings and try to rewrite them with a healthier view. You can even post them here and I can help!

To read the entire article on the hunter-gatherer study, click here

Healthier You Challenge: Week 2

Now that you've finished your first week of the Healthier You Challenge, it's time to assess how you did and plan your next week. If you did a fantastic job last week, you are ready to add a new challenge. Here are some guidelines to help choose your challenge for week 2: 

Hook desired behaviors onto current activities – Choose a behavior that you do without having to think about it and attach the new, desired behavior to the existing one. I need to drink more water so I’m drinking 24 oz. in the mornings before I have my coffee. You can use this same thinking to avoid behaviors you are trying to eliminate. If you usually eat late at night in front of the t.v., head to a different room and try reading instead. You may find that changing a neutral behavior will help change your target behavior with very little effort.

Scaffold your behaviors - Lay a foundation and build from there. Maybe your challenge for the first week is to take two Zumba Fitness classes. After two weeks of that routine, you add two days of strength training. In the fifth week, you add in a hike. Once you have the routine you desire, you can start changing up your activities to keep your forward momentum. Remember, we are not working toward a goal. We are engaging in challenges. Once you feel like you've "accomplished your goal", it's easy to start sliding backward. In order to avoid plateaus or the kind of attitude that leads to yo-yo dieting, you have to think of this as a journey without end. Focus on the job at hand but always think about how you will challenge yourself next.  The great thing is, once you've made the bigger lifestyle changes, your challenges can get more and more fun!

If you didn't do as well as you had hoped last week, use this as a time to reflect and learn. My challenge for last week was to complete three strength training sessions. I only managed two, so I need to figure out how to do better this week. I am going to keep up my challenges of drinking water before my coffee, taking vitamins every day, and completing three strength training sessions. I realize that the best way to guarantee getting those in is to wake up before my family gets up for the day. I will hook the strength training to checking my computer. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I will complete my routine before I turn on the computer. Hopefully, this week will go smoothly and next week I'll be ready to add another challenge behavior.

What will your challenge be this week?

Healthier You Challenge Week 1-- Pick Your Challenge

How to craft an effective behavior challenge:

1. Focus on the Positive— You're trying to change behaviors to make your life better. Stating your challenge in a positive way makes you feel like you are striving toward something, rather than depriving yourself. You want to feel optimistic and excited about making your life better. 

Negative: “I won’t snack at night”
Positive: “A healthy dinner will be my last food for the day.”

Negative: "I won't drink my coffee until I've had 24 oz. of water."
Positive: "I will drink 24 oz. of water before I drink my coffee"

Negative: "I won't stay up too late"
Positive: "I will be in bed, ready for sleep by __:__"

2. Choose behavior that is Specific and Measurable– At the end of a day, you should be able to answer "yes" or "no" to the simple question, did I fulfill my behavior challenge today? Here are two possible challenge statements:

Statement 1: “I will eat healthier.”
Statement 2: “I will eat 5 servings of vegetables a day”

The second statement is much more powerful because it clearly lays out exactly what you expect of yourself and makes it easy to check your progress. If it's the afternoon and you're about to have a snack, check how many servings of vegetables you've already had and eat accordingly.

3. Make sure the behavior is Achievable – If you're a basically sedentary person, stating that you will run 5 miles a day this week is not realistic. We all have lofty goals and believing in your ability to take on a challenge is very important to your success. Think carefully, however, about how big a challenge you are actually prepared for. Too often we bite off more than we can chew, get discouraged, and give up. Make sure your challenge is something you are truly ready to take on and that you have the resources you need in place. 

4. Use terms that are Process-oriented rather than outcome-oriented – I would imagine you've had times that you did everything "right" and still didn't get the outcome you wanted. It's frustrating and discouraging, and sometimes, it makes us want to give up. We can't control all of the variables that affect our lives, but we can control our own choices and behaviors. Focus your challenge on your behavior and the outcome should follow. Again, two examples:

Statement 1: “I will lose 5 lbs.”
Statement 2:“I will follow my eating and exercise plan”

I've weighed on my own scale and the scales at Weight Watchers often enough to know that my body does crazy things when it comes to weight. If my measure of success came only from the number on the scale each week, I'd have given up a long time ago. Statement 1 above sets you up for frustration. What if you lose 4.5 lbs? Does that mean that you failed? The second statement is something that you control completely. At the end of each day you can simply state "yes" or "no" to the question, "did I follow my eating and exercise plan".

Now that you've learned how to state your behavior challenge, you need to decide how you will log each day. There are many options for keeping track of your progress. Here are a few I've used:

Spreadsheet: Make a chart to track your challenge(s). You can keep it on your computer or print it out. I am a big fan of charts; especially when marked off with glittery happy face stickers. Make sure it is in a place where you will see it often!

Calendar: I simply chose a different color marker for each behavior and made a star on my calendar when I'd completed that challenge for the day.

irunurun app: The first "greatness" app. If you are a smart phone user, this app is perfect for tracking your challenge behaviors. You can check it out here. 

Now your task is to choose ONE behavior to focus on this week. Think about the following:

1. A challenge statement that is Positive, Specific and Measurable, Achievable and Process-Oriented.

2. What are possible obstacles to engaging in the desired behavior? How will you handle those obstacles?

3. How will this behavior positively impact your life (and maybe even the lives of those around you)?

Now you can share your challenge with the rest of us so we can cheer you on this week. Feel free to check in as often as you'd like for encouragement and ideas. I'll be checking the post and responding as frequently as possible but this should be a group effort. Think of yourselves as a team working together and cheering each other on!